At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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