why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize