I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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