I think my fart just growled at me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
