I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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