Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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