one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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