erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
