we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
