He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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