Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
