First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
