And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize