About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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