I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
