I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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