trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize