I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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