Define "chronic" masturbator.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
