I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
