I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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