Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
