I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
