Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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