Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
