this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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