Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
