"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
