I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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