i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
