Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
As shirtless as possible
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
