i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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