I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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