i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
