Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
