Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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