I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
