Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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