thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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