Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
