I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
