this beer tastes like vomit already
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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