Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
is it fun? or sober?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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