So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
