Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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