By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
