don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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