With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
