theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
