Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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