How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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