why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
