Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Text me some of your sweat
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