Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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