so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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