You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
