I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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