Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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