OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
