Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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