He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
