Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
