My balls are so social today.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
